A main function of society is to deceive society, like a hungry man invited to a banquet who arrives to find no one there.—Vernon Howard
The Invitation That Never Delivers
We’re all invited. Promised. Lured.
From the time we’re children, we’re fed a banquet of assurances:
– Work hard and you’ll be rewarded.
– Follow the rules and you’ll be safe.
– Get the degree, the house, the family—and happiness will follow.
But many arrive at adulthood—or midlife—and find themselves staring at an empty table. Vernon Howard’s haunting image of the hungry man invited to a grand feast, only to find no one there, distills the quiet desperation so many feel but seldom name.
Society’s Grand Illusion
Howard’s quote asserts that society not only spreads false promises—but has made self-deception its very function. That’s a provocative claim, but it rings true when we reflect on modern life. Consider:
– Consumerism: We’re taught that fulfillment is one purchase away. But no product ever fills the void.
– Success metrics: Money, prestige, followers, titles—all serve as surrogate markers for meaning.
– Cultural scripts: We’re handed a narrow template for what life should look like, regardless of our individual values or dreams.
In other words, we’ve built a culture that sells meaning the way fast food sells nourishment—quick, addictive, but ultimately unsatisfying.
The Banquet of False Promises
The metaphor of the banquet is especially apt. A banquet suggests abundance, community, joy. But in Howard’s scenario, the banquet is a mirage. The hungry man—representing the seeker, the earnest soul, the one craving truth—discovers he’s been duped.
Many of us have had similar realizations:
– The career that consumed our best years gave status, but not peace.
– The relationships we curated for appearances left us feeling unseen.
– The education we pursued brought credentials, but not clarity.
This deception isn’t always malicious. Often, it’s unconscious. Society perpetuates myths because they make the machinery of culture run smoothly. But at what cost?
Waking Up Hungry Is a Gift
It’s easy to feel betrayed when we realize the banquet is empty. But awareness is the first step toward liberation.
Waking up to the deception—whether personal or systemic—hurts at first. But it also creates a crack in the illusion. Through that crack, light enters.
Suddenly we ask different questions:
– What do I really want?
– Whose voice am I listening to—my own, or society’s script?
– What values do I want to live by, even if they run counter to popular opinion?
These questions mark the beginning of wisdom.
How to Stop Being Fooled
If society’s function is to deceive, then our function must be to discern. Here are a few steps to begin that process:
- Cultivate Inner Stillness
The louder the world becomes, the more we need quiet. Meditation, journaling, time in nature—these are not luxuries, but tools of clarity. They help us separate our true hunger from the noise of craving. - Question the Norms
Not all rules are bad. But many are inherited, unexamined, and rooted in fear. Challenge common assumptions:
– Is busyness really a badge of honor?
– Is success always about accumulation?
– Is aging something to resist? - Define Your Own Banquet
You may never get the one society promised—but you can host your own. Fill it with what nourishes you: meaningful relationships, creative expression, curiosity, contribution. - Detach from Applause
Approval is addictive. But the banquet of public praise is often hollow. Pursue alignment with your values, not with applause. - Find the Others
You’re not the only one who showed up hungry and found no one there. Seek out those who are also disillusioned—and awake. Community with fellow seekers can be profoundly healing.
Final Thought: Don’t Just Starve—Start Cooking
Vernon Howard’s proverb doesn’t end with a rescue. It ends with absence—a stark silence where the feast should have been.
But perhaps that’s the point.
Once we see through the illusion, we stop waiting for someone else to feed us. We go into the kitchen of life, roll up our sleeves, and begin preparing something real. A meal of meaning, built from honesty, simplicity, courage, and soul.
And if we’re lucky, we’ll find that others are hungry too—and that we have something worth sharing.
