“It is a harmful illusion that strength can be borrowed from another person or from an organization.” — Vernon Howard
Most of us were taught — implicitly or explicitly — that strength comes from association.
Attach yourself to the proper organization.
Earn the proper credential.
Align with the right leader, title, or tribe.
And for a while, it works. Or seems to.
But what we are really borrowing is not strength.
We are borrowing permission.
That permission feels like safety. It feels like belonging. It feels like being held up by something larger than ourselves. Yet borrowed strength is fragile by design. The moment approval is withdrawn, the strength evaporates — and so does our confidence.
That is the illusion Vernon Howard is pointing toward.
The subtle bargain behind borrowed strength
Borrowed strength always comes with conditions.
You may not notice them at first. They arrive quietly:
- Don’t question this.
- Don’t step outside the approved language.
- Don’t make others uncomfortable.
- Don’t think too independently.
In exchange, you receive affirmation, protection, and status.
This is why borrowed strength is so tempting. It spares us from standing alone. It cushions us from uncertainty. It gives us a script to follow instead of a voice to discover.
But over time, the bargain exacts a cost.
The more we rely on external sources for strength, the less we trust our own judgment. We begin to measure our worth by proximity rather than integrity. We confuse belonging with truth.
Support can be shared. Strength cannot.
This distinction matters.
We can receive:
- Support
- Encouragement
- Resources
- Mentorship
But strength — real strength — cannot be transferred.
Strength is the ability to remain inwardly steady when:
- Approval is uncertain
- Affiliation is threatened
- Silence would be easier than honesty
No organization can provide that. No leader can bestow it. No credential can replace it.
The strongest individuals I have encountered were not the loudest or most decorated. They were people who could stand quietly in their own awareness — without needing to borrow confidence from a crowd.
Why institutions quietly discourage inner strength
This may sound uncomfortable, but it is worth saying plainly.
Institutions function best when individuals outsource their inner authority. When people derive strength from belonging, they are easier to manage, direct, and silence.
This does not mean organizations are inherently harmful. It means they are limited.
An institution can offer structure.
It cannot offer self-trust.
And when we mistake structure for strength, we begin surrendering something essential.
The quiet return to self
Howard’s principle is not a call to rebellion. It is an invitation to reclamation.
It asks us to notice:
- Where we defer too quickly
- Where we silence ourselves for safety
- Where we confuse consensus with clarity
Real strength does not announce itself. It does not dominate. It does not borrow.
It listens.
It observes.
It stands — even when unsupported.
And perhaps most importantly, it does not panic when it must stand alone.
A final thought
There is great relief in realizing that you were never meant to borrow strength in the first place.
What you need is already present — waiting not for permission, but for recognition.
When you stop borrowing strength, you stop fearing its withdrawal.
And that is where freedom begins.
